In the last post, I wrote about how they say it takes a village, but when you read the fine print of modern life, you’ll find that no one is building one for you. You have to design it yourself, intentionally, with people who will actually show up.
The LA fires showed us what happens when we don’t.
Anthony Mitchell Sr., 67, an amputee who used a wheelchair, called his children the morning of January 8th to let them know he was waiting for help to evacuate himself and his son Justin, who had cerebral palsy. Nobody came. They died together in the Eaton Fire, huddled in their Altadena home. “What hurts the most is that our state didn’t prepare for this at all,” his son said afterward. A state audit from 2019 had already warned that disabled Californians were being left behind in emergencies. Nobody acted on it. Anthony and Justin paid with their lives.
This is what it costs when institutions fail you, and the village doesn’t exist.
This post is about a different kind of fire.
TW: domestic violence, filicide, suicide.
I recently interviewed Kerrith McDowell, a remarkable hospice nurse practitioner who came home to find her husband had shot their two sons, River and Jet, set the house on fire, and killed himself.
He had not been physically violent before.
She had reached out for help. The systems that were supposed to protect her family failed again and again.
This is what we don’t talk about when we talk about violent men. They don’t always announce themselves.
This conversation changed me. I hope it finds whoever needs it most.
Watch the full interview at the link below, and if this touches something in your own life, please reach out to someone you trust. You don’t have to carry it alone. I’ve pinned important numbers in the comment on YouTube.
The World Health Organization classifies domestic violence and intimate partner violence as a global pandemic, noting that it affects roughly 1 in 3 women (27% to 30%) worldwide during their lifetime.
According to a study by the Violence Policy Center, women were almost nine times more likely to be murdered by someone they know than by a stranger. Two-thirds died by gunfire.
91% of familicide perpetrators in the US are men.
You can find Kerrith at kerrithmcdowell
And,
Something Beautiful Before You Go
If you didn’t have the body budget for the first conversation, or you did and you need something to restore your faith, this is for you.
Every time I feel weary and wary about the world, I come back to this video by my dear friend Pavi Mehta.
Pavi Mehta (Pavithra K. Mehta) is a writer, filmmaker, and co-host of ServiceSpace's global Awakin Calls. These are weekly conversations at the intersection of inner transformation and outer change. She is the author of Infinite Vision, a board member of the Aravind Eye Foundation, and one of the most luminous voices on the gift economy and what it means to live in service. Her talk on Giftivism has been viewed over 120,000 times:
Pavi's talk is so inspiring!! Thank you for sharing it.
All the more reason I don’t believe in marriage any more. I like the mosuo culture.