Savoring vs. Toxic Positivity
And a few other things
Thank you all for your feedback on my recently published TED Talk. Here are a few things that stand out from your messages and comments:
We don’t linger enough
And why would we? Everything in this modern world keeps telling us that we must constantly produce and consume, ideally excelling at both in order to be desirable human beings. More, faster, bigger… Producing content is all the rage while the art of being content has withered away in the incessant noise. Of course, it doesn’t have to be that way. Even though stepping away from the norm can be quite challenging, there are ways to cultivate a savoring practice that allows us to renew our relationship with ourselves and the world. Luckily we’re starting to recognize how we’re shortchanging ourselves by not lingering to smell the roses. A previously dormant hunger for change has been stirred. It’s in the zeitgeist. Even the Hidden Brain Podcast just released a popular episode on savoring.
Savoring isn’t meant to be used as a policing strategy
As I mention in the talk and explain in the Yes! Magazine article, “pervasive toxic positivity, or the attitude and belief that one should always maintain a positive outlook, uses ‘good vibes’ as a policing strategy. Some groups or individuals enforce strict codes of behavior and the suppression of certain emotions or expressions of vulnerability. It’s as if there are bouncers standing at the door of the psyche who only allow in the most attractive and best-dressed emotions.” I’ve heard from many of you who’ve encountered toxic positivity during life's most challenging moments. And it’s usually from well-meaning friends or loved ones who don’t realize the impact of their words. Luckily, many of us are learning to maintain our boundaries. It’s always handy to have a response ready for such situations. Here's an example: “Thank you for trying to help me feel better. But [what you said] isn’t helping. What I need right now is [a hug or feeling my feelings without any pressure or for you to listen without offering advice.] What are some savvy ways you handle toxic positivity?
It pays to become aware of the inner morality police
Whether it's evading uncomfortable emotions, engaging in self-censorship, or feeling reluctant to dance in public, we find ourselves constrained by an internalized aspect of morality police. When we become aware of our inner landscape and the oppressive forces at work, we are presented with choices on how to proceed.
If you haven’t checked out the talk, click here and listen while washing dishes or relaxing with your eyes closed.
Joy Reclaimed Summit
Join me and 25 other speakers on October 2- 27 for a free event that’ll bring fresh insights and tools to tackle your next big shift. This summit’s presenters will share their expertise in areas where you might be facing struggles, including:
Communication frustrations.
Perimenopause confusion.
Financial uncertainties.
Unsatisfying sex life.
I’ll be kicking off the summit on October 2nd discussing how we can cultivate fulfilling relationships and intentional friendships. The registration portal opens on Sep 15th and I’ll send a reminder in a couple of weeks.
Dance for Freedom for Mahsa Day
Even a year after Mahsa Amini's death, protesters in Iran persist in their resistance against the regime and their morality police, with Iranian women at the forefront, bravely leading the charge. They are singing, dancing, and defying the hijab laws in public and we’re here to support them.
People from all 7 continents have become dancivists and the movement is now viral on TikTok and Instagram. Please join us and post a video of yourself dancing ahead of Mahsa Day on September 16th or any time after that date. Details are here.
Musical Ambassadors of Peace Fundraiser for Asylum Seekers Living in Limbo
Once every so often I take off my dancing shoes and put on my fundraising hat to help provide food and essential supplies for refugee families I dance with. We never go empty-handed across the border to dance and with your help, we’ll buy food and essential supplies for 300 asylum seekers living in limbo.
Every dollar goes to purchase food and essential supplies for asylum seekers and is matched 100% by the Healing Hands Foundation to double your tax-deductible donations. Please donate here.